Worst3

Worst3 Founders

1. Chaz Gruber
2. McLovin
3. Chrisbert Winnade

Name: Chaz Gruber
Title: Chief Member

Bio: Mr. Gruber’s illustrious career began in the jungles of New Guinea where he was initially abandoned by his missionary parents only to be taken-in and raised by a clan of Pygmies. His formative years were typical of any Pygmy child, but in high school it quickly became apparent that he was special. Mr. Gruber earned all-Pygmy titles as the center for the Pygmy national basketball, was captain of the swimming and fencing teams, and was given the nickname “Yao” in reference to a similarly freakish basketball center from China. Amidst much scandal, Mr. Gruber was later stripped of his titles, and his accomplishments were purged from the Pygmy record books as it was found that he was not in fact pure Pygmy, but was instead a 5’11” Caucasian. Following the extensive appeals process within the Pygmy tribe, Mr. Gruber was excommunicated from his Pygmy family, and deported to the only country that would accept such a disgraced individual: Afghanistan. In Afghanistan, Mr. Gruber quickly developed then necessary skills to become a goat shepherd. During his years alone with his flock in the rugged mountains of Tora Bora, Mr. Gruber developed and refined his theories of complex social behavior and inter-species relationships. Many of these theories have been adopted by, and indeed form a basis for, the Worst3 service. Mr. Gruber’s world was turned upside down when the US Armed Forces invaded Afghanistan and captured him, taking him into custody and later transporting him to Guantanamo Bay as a “person of interest.” While at Guantanamo, Mr. Gruber started to make various lists to help chronicle his experience. Some of these lists you’ll see throughout Worst3. Mr. Gruber found the lists to be very cathartic, but at that time did not comprehend that one day he would join forces with the other Worst3 founders to introduce a change agent founded on the premise that lists transcend traditional communication methods and introduce subjects into discourse that are historically taboo. This opening of the kimono, if you will, is another building block on which the Worst3 is founded. Following his daring escape from Guantanamo, Mr. Gruber roamed the back woods of the United States, which he found to be eerily reminiscent of his native New Guinea. Instead of Pygmies taking him in this time, Mr. Gruber was befriended by the other founders of Worst3 where together they comprise the most significant trio since the Holy Spirit, which it should be noted also included a shepherd from the Middle East. It is fair to say that the Worst3 Founders are the most important non-deity threesome (outside of Simi-Valley) that the world has ever known.

Name: McLovin
Title: Chief

Bio: McLovin has always been somewhat of an overachiever. When he was in grammar school and it would begin to rain, he would ditch class to sell umbrellas to business people. He was able to keep his income steady during the sunny summer days by selling "high end" purses to passersby. In the year 1999, McLovin got some of the best news he has ever received: he was accepted into his Reach College. After graduating magna cum laude from the DeVry Institute, where he was also an All-American baseball player, McLovin worked for one of the most exclusive companies in the world. He held the position of Chief Moral Office at Playboy and was one of the few people who received positions there based on skills. Well, skills other than those skills. After a few years in the work force, McLovin determinted that a higher education was necessary, so he enrolled in the University of Phoenix MBA program. Once again he graduated magna cum laude and was also the captain of the school’s nationally ranked curling team. After sating his wanderlust and utilizing his strong background and experience of which only an esteemed company like Worst3.com is worthy, McLovin joined the team as Chief. McLovin is now considering focusing his time entirely on body building.

Name: Chrisbert Winnade
Title: Chief Chief

Bio: As a boy, Chrisbert dreamed of blending in with all of the other children. He wanted to grow up to be an everyman. Chrisbert failed miserably. To this day, in Chrisbert's presence, people pause. Stares linger. Goosebumps bump. From an early age, Chrisbert's friends and family thought him a man divided. He often had multiple approaches to any situation. But he finished his work twice as fast as others and he excelled at three-legged races, which were quite popular in the small town in which he spent his formative years. This country lifestyle also afforded him the time to perfect his Rock Paper Scissors skills. The hours he practiced with himself paid off when he became the first person to win three consecutive U.S. Junior Amateur Rock Paper Scissors Championships. He followed this feat with three consecutive U.S. Amateur Championships. Chrisbert shocked everyone when he forewent turning professional to pursue an acting career. But after successful guest staring roles in remakes of "La Strada" and "The Greatest Show On Earth" and numerous original fetish films, he had been typecast and decided to turned his talents to writing. He found that his true passion was making lists. His honed consensus-building skills ensured the insightfulness and popularity of those he wrote. Through his frequent submissions of lists to Playboy (and the sincerely regretted photo spread), he became acquainted with McLovin. Later, through Chrisbert’s charitable work with the Guantanamo Is The Real Circus Foundation, the two learned about Chaz’s daring escape and sought him out in the wilderness of the middle states. Chrisbert would later recall the first meeting of the Worst3: “I helped them see what I had known since birth…there is strength in numbers and two heads truly are better than one. We all fell silent and listened as the harmonic note created by our union reverberated throughout the universe.” The next morning, Chrisbert had one of the Worst3 double hangovers of his life.

Also, although we’re sure his bio already made it perfectly clear, Chrisbert is a Siamese twin.